dirkstridersbraces:

avatarofmind:

dirkstridersbraces:

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ABOMINATION DOING IN A CRANE GAME FUCK BEE MOVIE IM SO MAD FUCK

do you not see the fucking shrek gremlin jfc

HOLY SHIT BEE SHREK TEST IN THE HOUSE IS REAL AND IT IS TAKING OVER

discard-and-discover:

redphonebox:

just so we’re clear, i use

dude

bro

man

gurl

babe

bb

loser

as gender-neutral and affectionate names

^ this. 

nozealand:

isnt that the guy who plays sherlock

evonyo:

a really dumb idea for a magical girl and familiar \@3@/?

kitpocket:

this didn’t start as ralph beginning a sick song and dance number, but

rrrayne:

polaroid

adventuretime:

An ‘Adventure’ For Kids and Maybe For Their Parents, Too

Author Lev Grossman (senior book critic for Time) hasn’t been shy about his love for Adventure Time. Here he is talking to NPR explaining why the cartoon is so wonderful, including his personal connection with Ice King:

It’s very affecting. My dad has been going through having Alzheimer’s, and he’s forgotten so much about who he used to be. And I look at him and think this cartoon is about my father dying.

Listen for some insight from Pen, too. Thanks to Neda Ulaby for the nice segment.

facts-i-just-made-up:

8-tec:

facts-i-just-made-up:

Xbox One Controller Features Biometric Security

In an attempt to quell the bad publicity generated by certain E3 announcements, Microsoft has announced a second round of features for the Xbox One, starting with its controller.

Most technologically advanced of these features are the biometrics. Both thumbsticks feature fingerprint readers that can instantly recognize the player. This will not only allow users to sign in with a simple touch, but for the system to deny access to unregistered players who haven’t paid the guest charge.

Pretty high tech stuff, but not the centerpiece of the new controller when it comes to functionality. The “Impulse Trigger” rumble motors will provide a new level of depth to gameplay. While the concept of a rumble pack goes all the way back to StarFox 64, the new Impulse system goes farther than any system to date to become one with the player. The trigger buttons both feature several tiny needles that (painlessly) penetrate the player’s fingers to deliver intense (painful) electrical shocks, while simultaneously sampling DNA and minor changes in blood chemistry that will let the game change to better fit the mood and, says Microsoft, even the ethnicity of the player.

“We at Microsoft feel that the best Xbox games should be reserved only for the Aryan race,” said spokesman Francis Sham, “As most games will prove too demanding for degenerate bloodlines or “Mudbloods” as we call them, the controller will deny them access to most of our early releases. We still intend to cater to these audiences of course, and will be releasing games designed for them down the road that have been simplified for their inferior minds.

Though this biometric system will be included in all Xbox One controllers, the modifications will prove costly so all previously ordered consoles will be shipped without any controllers, which will be sold separately for $299 each. The consoles won’t work without them and Microsoft is only manufacturing 700 in time for the release, so order yours today!

“to deny access to unregistered players who haven’t paid the guest charge”

you have to fucking pay to just be a guest that is just asinine! 

That’s not even the half of it. The guest charge isn’t billed to you, the recognition software actually figures out who you are and deducts it straight from your bank. So basically you can just be in the same room as people playing Xbox One and automatically lose money.

The billing rate is apparently $4.99/half hour with an added “Happy hour” charge of $12.99 if the system detects that you’re having fun.

The suggested course of action by the NSA (Which is investigating the legality of Microsoft’s plans) is to simply shun anyone who buys an Xbox One, don’t go to their houses at all, don’t even speak to anyone who buys one of these things and protect your family from the facial recognition scanners. From the official statement by NSA Spokesman Kevin Dodson, “Just lock up yo kids, yo wife, and yo husband cause they scanning everyone out there.”

pr0fessah:

tha ts NOT Even WHAT HES SAYING WTF

shugarasshu:

(Source)

potato-tots:

missingeharmony:

potato-tots:

potato-tots:

what do you call a hooker that you pay with spaghetti?

a pastatute

how many people unfollowed you because of this

20

winrylicious:

The jokes I did not understand as a child

danadelions:

my heartbeat’s quickening now